The Diary Of Amy Lindley
by elyse412
Summary: Amy deals with general teen angst in addition to problems with her unconventional family and real father. Each chapter will center around Amy's relationship with another character; Jack, Doug, Dawson, Joey, Pacey, etc.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: In no way am I affiliated with Dawson's Creek. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No profit will be made. (Maybe I should find a more profitable hobby).

Notes: This is a series of entries in Amy's diary. She is fifteen and everyone else is about forty. The main basis of the story is how Amy will deal with all the angst that comes with being fifteen along with issues about having an unconventional family, dealing with issues about her real father, and trying to cope with the absence of her mother. The first chapter is an introductory chapter. The title Amy Explains It All pretty much says everything. Each following chapter will center around one person: Pacey, Doug, Grams, Joey, Andie, Audrey, Dawson, and Jack. 

Rating: PG-13

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The Diary Of Amy Lindley

Chapter One

Amy Explains It All

My friends like to joke that spending time at my house is like being on the set of My Two Dads. If you don't know, My Two Dads is like, this ancient television comedy where something happens to this teenage girl's mother and she has to live with her dad. The problem is one of two men could be her father. (I suppose this was before the days of DNA). Anyway the two men are total opposites and as they all live together wackiness ensues. Yeah, that does about sum up my home life.

My first "Dad", Jack McPhee was my mother's best friend. He says soul mate but I think that word is a little hokey. Anyway when my mother passed away (I was just a baby) she gave him guardianship of me. He wasn't alone though; he had my Grams, actually great grandmother, and his then boyfriend now husband, Doug, to help him. More about them later.

I call Jack, JaJa. It goes back to when my mom was still alive. I guess I had a hard time saying Jack so I just called him JaJa. Even though I don't call him dad' that is how I think of him. He does all the fatherly stuff that any teenage girl could expect. He tells me if my skirt is too short, he tells me if he thinks a friend is a bad influence, and he loves me and supports me in a million different ways that I probably don't even know about. 

We're fighting more now than we ever have before and I know that we both hate it. But it's so hard sometimes. For starters he's a teacher at my school. It seems like wherever I go or whatever I do he knows about it. If I skip third period he knows all about it by the time fourth period rolls around. JaJa knew about the time that C.J. Elliot broke up with me at the Winter Dance in front of everyone. 

He actually saw it happen, he was a chaperone. I mean how many other girls can say that their father has seen a guy tell them that their relationship was over. I felt like a fool. Not just because C.J. broke up with me, but because I was planning on sleeping with him that night after the dance. He was my first boyfriend, only actually, and I knew that we were drifting apart. I knew that he had wanted to have sex but I just hadn't felt ready. So in a move that almost brought the feminist movement all the way back to the sixties I thought that if we slept together things might get better between us, you know we could repair what was wrong. I know, I know It was stupid. 

Later that night when I was talking to Joey about it while nursing a pint of Ben and Jerry's she told me that all girls usually either consider, attempt, or actually sleep with someone for those same reasons. Sometimes a woman will end up doing all three. Joey said that isn't what my first time should be about. She said that I had all my life to sleep with the wrong men. When she said it she laughed, but there was a hard edge to her voice. Joey does that a lot, disguises things about herself with a joke or a depreciating comment. But I love her to death. I'm better friends with her than some of the people that I hang out with. I guess you could say that she's my best friend. But I was talking about my dad wasn't I? More about my mom's friends later, I promise. Much more.

Besides JaJa my other dad is Dougie. I call him Dougie because it almost sounds like daddy'. If I thought that I couldn't get away with anything having JaJa teaching English at my school then that rationale is multiplied tenfold when your other father is the town sheriff. I can't get away with shit. Dougie was the one that busted me and my friends when we were drinking at a senior party. (I wasn't even drunk; I had only had one drink the whole night). And Dougie was also the one that caught me skipping school that one time. (And I swear it really was only that one time). 

But Dougie is great, he really is. He's an awesome cook. If it's just me and JaJa for dinner the truth is more often than not we have Captain Crunch. If Dougie is home it's a whole other story. He makes great comfort food like meatloaf and macaroni and cheese. It must be a genetic thing because his brother Pacey (another one of my mom's friends) has his own restaurant. His restaurant, the Ice House, has become a sort of teenage hangout. Not like there are a lot of places to hang out in Capeside. It is sort of like one of those home base hangouts that you see on teen shows. Cheep food, lots of kids, and a friendly owner to oversee the madness.

Then there's my Grams. If you want to get technical she's my great grandma. My real grandma is named Helen and lives in Europe. Anyway, Grams is ninety-one now. Sometimes I try to imagine living ninety-one years. I just can't. It seems like such a vast expanse of time. Almost immeasurable. She lived with us up until last year. Now she lives in a nursing home. Grams is a truly great lady. She would take me to Sunday school every week and tell me stories from the Bible before I went to bed every night. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm a religious person, but I amspiritual. I believe in God and I know that my mother is in heaven, right now I'm just not sure of all the details. When I was a child she would make me sundresses and taught me how to knit and crotchet (things she also taught my mom). 

But last year she started to need a wheelchair to get around all of the time and her mind started slipping. I was devastated when she left but it turns out that she had arranged everything prior to her getting sick. Grams is like that. I visit her a few times a week and she goes to church every Sunday and comes back to our house for Sunday dinner. Those things are crazy. Joey puts on music and we all dance around the kitchen as we cook. (Cheesy, I know). There are children running everywhere and all of my mom's old friends laugh and tease each other about things that happened way before I was born. Then during the blessing Grams always says that she is thankful that being around young people that has kept her so young. I don't consider forty to be young but maybe it is when you are ninety-one.

But Grams is getting worse as time goes by. With her dementia, I mean. There are days when I go to see her and things are great. We talk about school and my friends. She is fine and will tell me stories about when my mom would come and visit her as a child. They would go to the Boston Zoo and Martha's Vineyard and to the ocean. She remembers the events so vividly that I can see myself there with them.

But more and more she has been having bad days. Sometimes when I come by she thinks that I am my mother. Honestly it is something that I find uncomfortable and fascinating at the same time. I listen as she says things like, "Jennifer we are out of Jack milk, could you please pick some up at the market on your way back from cheerleading practice. I know how you feel about being a cheerleader, but if you give it half a chance you may enjoy yourself." Then she will go into a world where she was a spirit girl and the moment is gone. Is it morbid for me to be so interested in that small glimpse into my mother's life? 

Because a large part of me is interested in this phase of my mother's life. I'm the age now that she was when she came to Capeside. I know a lot of stories about my mother's high school years. All of her friends have told them to me and I've overheard them talking to each other about all of them back when they were young. But I know there is another part of her that no one really talks about. They will say, In the past she made a lot mistakes.' Or they will say. Before Jen came to Capeside she was headed down the wrong path.' No one really goes into it. 

Audrey will tell me anything if I ask her but I hardly ever see her and I guess that by the time she knew my mom all she knew about her past was about as much as I do. Pacey will tell me a little bit about it. Mostly he enjoys telling me surprising stories about everyone else. When I asked Joey she said that in a way her and I were lucky. We never had a fight with our mothers about curfews or boys. We have never said we hated them or had to go through that inevitable period of rebellion and separation that most teenage girls go through. What she said was nice, but it didn't answer my question. 

So there is this part of my mother's life that I always wonder about, that period when she was in New York and first moved to Capeside. I know that is why JaJa is so strict with me. He is afraid that I will make some of the same mistakes that she did. But how can I avoid her mistakes if I don't even know what they are? 

From what I hear my mom and I are a lot alike. Physically I know it is true because I've seen the pictures and watched the videos thousands of times. We have the same hair and stature. My eyes are green though. My Auntie Andie once said that my real dad had green eyes. (Though I think the issue of my real father is best left for a later date). 

The first time I went to C.J.'s house his father just kept looking at me. I thought he might not approve of my dad's. Finally after about a half-hour Mr. Elliot asked if I was related to Jen Lindley. Apparently he and my mom dated briefly when she was a sophomore and he was a senior. He had just recently moved back to Capeside and didn't know the whole story that by now the whole town knows. I had some conflicting emotions about this. First I thought it was weird that I was dating the son of someone that my mom had dated in high school. It was weird but in a strange way comforting. Like it made me closer to my mother. Secondly I was pleased and almost proud that Mr. Elliot recognized my mother and me. 

When I asked JaJa about my mom and Cliff (Mr. Elliot) he said that he never connected it because he didn't know my mom then. JaJa told me that I would be better off asking Dawson or Joey about that. So I did and they said they had dated briefly and went to a victory dance and Dawson's Halloween party together. Somehow they started talking about blackouts and a psychotic older woman and a serial killer. They lost me at the part about the blackout. Then their youngest son came in crying that Pacey's daughter had beaten him up. I thought that was pretty funny considering Astrid is only half the size of Mikey. (I said it was funny, not untrue). 

Oh, yeah, I was writing about my mother. Now that I'm the same age that she was in some of the videos I wonder about her more and more. When I see my mom and her friends laughing at the docks where everyone goes to get high now my curiosity is only heightened. Who is this girl that shyly ducks her head away from the camera one minute and is dancing and laughing in the water the next? I can be like that too. One minute I'm the life of the party and the next I just want to be by myself. Maybe that is just being a teenager. But JaJa says that I'm like her when I make little jokes or comments. He calls it being snarky.

Sorry, but I have to stop writing now. Pacey's here there's this sort of this ritual we have.

Bye for now,

Amy

To be continued. Chapter Two, Pacey-Amy Date Night.


	2. PaceyAmy Date Night

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Disclaimer: In no way am I affiliated with Dawson's Creek. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No profit will be made. (Maybe I should find a more profitable hobby).

Notes: This is a series of entries in Amy's diary. She is fifteen and everyone else is about forty. The main basis of the story is how Amy will deal with all the angst that comes with being fifteen along with issues about having an unconventional family, dealing with issues about her real father, and trying to cope with the absence of her mother. The first chapter is an introductory chapter. The title Amy Explains It All pretty much says everything. Each following chapter will center around one person: Pacey, Doug, Grams, Joey, Andie, Audrey, Dawson, and Jack. 

Rating: PG-13

****

The Diary Of Amy Lindley

Pacey-Amy Date Night

Is it wrong to have a crush on your uncle? Well, Pacey's not really my Uncle. He's an Uncle in the sense that he's a close family friend. But then again he's Dougie's brother. So in an odd, slightly dysfunctional way Pacey is my uncle in the same way that Jack's sister, Andie, is my aunt. Anyway, the important thing is that I think and refer to him as him Uncle Pacey. Of course now that I'm getting a little older I keep calling him by just his first name more and more often. Maybe it's because I feel foolish calling someone that I've had graphic dreams about, Uncle'.

When I was a little girl I thought of Pacey as a swashbuckler. With his messy hair, neatly trimmed goatee and flashy white smile he reminded me of the drawings of pirates in my storybooks. He looked the perfect vision of a romantic hero, rescuing his damsel in distress and sailing away with her. 

It was easy for me to picture myself as a precocious pirate princess when he would take me sailing. He says it's a good thing to keep your sea legs. And he's right. There is a certain freedom in sailing that can't quite be captured anywhere else. Sometimes it feels as though you are one with the ocean, like you are a part of that swirling grey-blue abyss as it ebbs and encroaches, sloshes and recedes. But then the sea changes and you realize that you are two separate beings, that you are a mere mortal soul that could be swallowed up, annihilated. But those times of synergy, that's what I live for.

"What are you thinking?" Pacey's words brought me out of my thoughts.

"Just that we should go sailing again soon, you know before the weather turns to crap and we can't go anymore." 

He flashed that smile. God, I love that smile. "One of these days after school you and I will hit the open seas. And here I thought you were checking the time, too cool to spend a Saturday night with Uncle Pace."

That brought about a touchy subject. It's not that Im too cool to spend time with him, it's just that it was Saturday night and there was sort of this party that C. J. invited me to, part of his let's be friends' initiative. 

Pacey could tell by the guilty look on my face that I made other plans. "Let me guess what could be more important than spending an entire Saturday night with good ol' Uncle Pacey?" He was joking, I could tell. "An all night study session at the library? A prayer group meeting? No, wait, C. J. Elliot's parents are in Saint Martin and he's having a kegger."

Busted. "How did you know?"

"My role as owner-operator of the Ice House makes me privy to all sorts of teenage gossip. Like did you know that Mary Bodine just broke up with Marcus Malloy?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "No, actually I didn't know."

"Hot off the press, Flounder." Flounder, that's his special nickname for me. It's from The Little Mermaid, the cartoon, not the book. 

"You're not gonna tell JaJa, are you?" JaJa's party rules are parents present, alcohol and drugs absent'. He actually yells that to me when I leave with my friends. 

"Nah," he shook his head. "Just promise me you'll use your head and your secret is safe with me." 

Pacey can be cool like that; maybe it's because he spends so much time at the Ice House with teenagers. But I know that he would never let his daughter, Astrid, go to a keg party. But believe me, she will. When it comes to his daughter Pacey has a protective streak a mile long. Astrid is brash and loud and a little rude yet completely endearing at the same time. Pacey will just laugh at her antics and say she's a little pistol, like her mother. 

I guess that's true. Audrey is kind of like a bomb. She bursts in when no one is expecting her and shakes things up. Then, just as suddenly, she is gone leaving all of us to only shake our head in sheer amazement and wonder if we imagined the whole experience. Audrey is almost like a mythical figure to me. She's exceedingly glamorous. As a backup singer she travels all over the world. Once in a while she'll drop us all a postcard with an amusing anecdote scribbled hastily across it. Once we got one that simply read I met Mick Jagger!'. She's a trip but I love hanging out when it's just me and her. I feel like I have this rock star cool vibe going on. When she drives me around town in her Porsche and I see everyone that I go to school with crane their heads to get a better look at the hot blond that I'm with I can't help but feel a smug sense of satisfaction.

You see I'm unique. That's my thing. That's how I fit into a high school hierarchy that can be cruel, crushing, and unforgiving (and that's on a good day). When I was younger all I wanted to do was fit in, to fade away. Actually that's still what I want but I've realized that my way of fitting in is being different. People want to be friends with me so they can come to my house and have dinner with my two dad's, they want to go sailing with my gorgeous Uncle', they want to be an extra in Dawson's latest film, they want to ride around with Audrey the rock star in her red convertible, they want Joey to take them to the new art exhibit and talk philosophy with them, and they want Andie to regale them with stories about Europe. They pretty much want to try my unconventional life on for size, sigh, say that my life is such a trip and go home to their two parent families and congratulate Opie for winning the big game. It's not a trip – it's my life. But I don't tell anyone that.

"I'm surprised that you even want to go to C.J.'s party." That was Pacey once again tearing me from my thoughts. I don't know why, but for some reason my inner monologue has been on overdrive lately. 

I couldn't help but sigh. "I do but I don't. Out of the blue a few days ago he came up to me in hallway and said he wanted us to be friends again."

"Is that what you want?"

"No," I admitted. "Well I do, but I want more too." I couldn't help but blush a little bit. Usually I only talk about boys to Joey or Andie. "But if I don't go to the party tonight he'll think that I'm bitter about him breaking up with me in front of the whole school, which I am a bit. And if I do go not only will it be a bizarre form of torture to have to act like what happened between us doesn't bother me but we'll be under a microscope. So it sucks either way."

"Have you talked to C.J. about what happened at the dance?"

"Only a little. I mean he said that he was sorry but he never explained why he would just go postal and break up with me in front of everyone. Even JaJa saw."

"I know that must have sucked," Pacey said sympathetically. I could only nod my head in agreement. It sucked up one side and down the other. "But maybe I can offer a little insight into the male psyche. It probably didn't have anything to do with you. Guys, especially teenage guys, can really suck when it comes to expressing their feelings. Things probably just built up inside him until he couldn't keep them in anymore. He probably just lashed out at the most convenient target."

"Maybe," I conceded. It sort of makes sense. Actually I like that theory better than the 'Amy's a sucky girlfriend' theory that has recently plagued my thoughts.

"Of course you'll never know unless you ask him."

"I guess," I mumbled.

Since we were sort of connecting, or whatever, I guess I thought it was as good a time as ever to ask Pacey about some things that I have been wondering.

"Can I ask you something, Uncle Pace?"

"Sure," he said absentmindedly swirling a fry in ketchup. "Ask me anything you want Flounder."

"When people say that my mom made mistakes in her past, before she came to Capeside I mean, what exactly are they talking about?"

Pacey shifted in his chair a little and then cleared his throat. He's obviously uncomfortable. "Well, I didn't know your mom until she came to Capeside. It was the day before tenth grade, actually. We were at Dawson's house making a movie and she pulled up in a yellow Taxi. It was immediate,"

"Uncle Pacey," I groaned. I've heard this story at least a hundred times. 

"Your mother was a wonderful woman. There was no one funnier and she wise, beyond her years actually. Jen was an absolute sweetheart."

He's avoiding the question. I obviously won't get any answers from him. What could have been so bad that would send her to another state? 

"I should probably go," I said.

"How about you stay for another half an hour with me and I'll give you a ride to C.J.'s. I don't want you to walk in the dark."

"Sounds good," I took a drink of my soda. Actually the thought of walking wasn't very appealing.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that Joey sang in rock band?" He loves to tell me surprising stories about everyone.

"Only about a million times," I groan. I think it actually may have been two million. It's one of his favorites.

"What about Dawson's sixteenth birthday party?"

"I know all about the time that Uncle Dawson went cake diving." I still can't help but giggle at the mental image of Dawson falling into a cake.

"Hmm," I can tell that he's searching his conscious for a story I haven't heard. After fifteen years I bet he can't come up with one.

"Do you know about the time that Jack wore leather pants and got caught in a thunderstorm?"

"What!" Alright he found a story I have never heard. I can't believe that my dad would actually put on a pair of leather pants. "For real?"

"Yup," Pacey flashed his white teeth once more. "This is when he and your mom were in college. They were living in New York then and we had all come up to visit. He wanted to impress some guy. But when he was walking to the bar it started pouring out. Well not only were his pants ruined, but they were stuck."

"No way!" Why have I never heard this story before? It's priceless. 

"Yeah. In the end I think Grams was the one who got them off of him. She used some homemade remedy or something. I never asked about it because frankly, I think I knew too much already."

I was laughing so hard I actually started to cry. I haven't teased JaJa about the pants yet. I think I'll save it as ammunition for a day when he doesn't like what I'm wearing to school.

Actually JaJa is calling me for breakfast right now. So I have to go now but I'll be back. You won't even believe what happened at the party.

Bye for now,

Amy

To Be Continued, Chapter Three Sheriff Witter Talks Crime And Punishment


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